[Listen to advice]

September 2019

I woke up melancholy, troubled by a corroding friendship. Since my friend, Robert, passed away, I’ve had occasions where I miss him dearly. Robert would have known what to say.

Thankfully, I know exactly what he’d say; he gave me these words years ago. He’d say, You have to stop letting people drive you crazy. He was right, but I’m stubborn. Why does it take someone being absent from your life to really listen to them?

I’m Not A Tug Boat

Allowing people to drive me crazy has more to do with my mindset than how anyone reacts to what I share. (Luke 6:28-29 )

Scripture tells us to correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction, but it’s God who does the work in all of us. (2 Timothy 4:2 , Phillipians 2:13 ) I’m just a vessel who needs as much careful instruction (2 Corinthians 4:7-9) The Holy Spirit makes those miracles happen in our hearts. (2 Corinthians 4:4-13

Nevertheless, sometimes friendship encounters a Tidal Wave because the momentum changes: one person strives to progress forward as the other person starts to run aground.

nick-jio-4y4pTj-9phI-unsplash

Choices

So what do you do when the momentum changes? We’re told to love one another, and bear the infirmities of the weak, but I was running out of steam. 

Robert was right about something else. He said, people need to know when they need to help themselves. That’s where the power of prayer comes in. We occasionally have to pray for ourselves, though it is better to pray for others.

I agreed with him, but I never put this into practice. Instead I believed that my friends would crumble if they didn’t have my love and support. (Or maybe that should be my mothering…ugh…) This put way too much pressure on me. Who they really need is Jesus. I can speak the truth with love, and pray for them, however, they also need to pray for themselves. 

Admittedly, (unfortunately) I haven’t always spoken with love. I’ve become frustrated and impatient. With this particular friendship it went both ways. We forgave each other, too, but things continued to corrode. 

web-agency-KDYcgCEoFcY-unsplash

Fear and Confusion

When Robert originally asked me why I let people drive me crazy, I told him it was because I care. I said that I don’t give up on people easily. Little did I know that I have a problem leaving things in God’s hands. 

Hence, I woke up agonizing over what to do about this friendship, and the devil was creating a lot of confusion as I meditated on Scripture. I was so discouraged and afraid that I’d make the wrong choice. Praying for God’s help–that is, deciding not to lean on my own understanding, provided the answers that finally calmed this troubled sea.  I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit. God is faithful, we just have to choose to follow Him.

Friendship Fatigue? 

When I was growing up, I went over to my best friend’s house nearly everyday. (Or vice versa.) My parents would tell us that if we spent too much time together we’d get sick of one another. Neither of us believed this could ever happen, so we didn’t listen. Though it took 5 years before the momentum in our friendship changed, we did drift apart. 

Don’t go to your neighbor’s house too often; too much of you will make him hate you.” –Proverbs 25:17

Corrosion

Unfortunately, when iron is no longer sharpening iron, spending too much time together will lead to a corrosive situation. Sadly, I could see no way to repair it, so we peacefully agreed to part ways. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and make adjustments to our own sails. We can’t adjust anyone elses sails. That’s up to them. So the peace that we once shared was dividing us rather than keeping us together. 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” –Romans 12:18(NIV)

“You are joined together with peace through the Spirit.  Do all you can to continue together in this way. Let peace hold you together.” –Ephesians 4:3 

ship-wreck-652598_1920

Wise Words

I never realized this until I came across the verse about peace in Ephesians, but when it comes to my marriage, above all else, peace in our home has been the most important thing to me. Little did I know, that this truly is the most important goal. Peace is the nail that hold us together. We have this peace through the Holy Spirit .

I bet we’ve all ignored wise advice. It’s time that I left the saving to Jesus. That’ll be a load off, right? (Matthew 11:30)

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” –Proverbs 19:20

P.S. When I parted company with this friend, I was at witts end, so I was convinced that this “ship” was totally wrecked. However, our God does bring things back to life again, so those Peace Talks have started up again. Praise God for His amazing grace. ☺

***

If you’re interested in following this series, all posts can be found here. And the first post in this series can be found right here: Faith: Mapped

14 thoughts on “Friendship Wrecked?

  1. Friendships can be hard but a great blessing when you have a good close friend. May the lord guide you as you resume the ‘peace talks’ and hope that things will be sorted between you both.

  2. Heartfelt words my friend!! I hope you are well…it’s been sooo hard for me to find time to get on WordPress…ahhh I miss it, miss the communication! Just a busy season, and hard to even find time to post on my blog!
    Stay bold!!❤️love ya!!

      1. God is good. In the time I’ve been reading fellow bloggers posts, He has given me many reminders to keep my eyes on Him, not the storm. ☺

  3. It can be very difficult to navigate relationships. Even when we try our hardest to do all we can, we cannot make people come around. Sometimes handing it over to God is our only hope. Thanks for sharing. I am glad that in this case things are working out. God is good! 💕

    1. Yes, and there were other factors that I really didn’t see. I’m still working out what all the contributing factors were, so there may be even more to this story. Hindsight is truly 20/20. It’s the only way to learn.

      Yes, I’m glad that things are working out too. There are always two sides to everything, which can definitely make relationships difficult, but God is really good as softening people if they are willing to listen and take advice. God IS good! ☺

      1. I think sometimes we may never even know all the factors. There might be times when each party just isn’t willing to fully open up. And then there are also times when a person might not even realize the depth of what all they are going through. At least we know we can work on our own side of things, as we seek God’s wisdom, and try to correct any errors. 💕

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s