God is generous. (Luke:37-38) When I finished writing The Pernicious Pickles of Partnership: Do You Hunger for Righteousness?  I had some leftovers.

“He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.” —2 Corinthians 9:10-11

The Conspiracy

It’s been reported that Peter Piper picked a quarter of a bushel, but I’m not convinced that this is true. Here’s why…

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?’

Precisely!  Where’s the peck!? I don’t believe Peter Piper partook one palmful.  

My Theory

Peter Piper procrastinated. Pleading with his punchy philosophical pal, Pythagoras, Peter Piper pled that Pythagoras pick Peter’s pickled peppers. Paranoid that Peter’s please would persist, Pythagoras painstakingly picked Peter’s Pickled peppers posthaste!

Post picking, Pythagoras probably pestered Peter Piper to pony up.  Peter, preferring peace and perturbed that he’d be pressed by Pythagoras’ parallelogram platitudes, pacified Pythagoras by placing his prized pickled peppers in Pythagoras’ possession. Pythagorus parted with Peter Piper’s pickled peppers, leaving Piper’s peppers ne’re to be found.

Here’s another problem with Peter Piper’s pickled project:

Peppers don’t propogate pre-pickled. Okay, so perchance he was “picking” pickled peppers from the pantry down the way. However, on further investigation this seems a bit of a stretch. There are more potholes in Peter Piper’s yarn than a slice of swiss cheese. Personally, I believe the whole pantomime was premeditated.



In response to my premise, Andrew ‘pothesized this:

Perhaps, Peter Piper parlayed with his Parmacist in order to procure his prescription for the prementioned peck of pickled peppers, but his Parmacist put him off till the morrow, to which Peter Piper piped up, “Preposterous!” (The ending was a partnership effort. ‘Parently we really are perfectly paired.) ❤


Pun Fact: Parma is a city in the northern Italy region known for its Prosciutto and cheese, such as Parmigiano-Reggiano.


An amuse bouche: Brotziet – a German savory snack native to Bavarian cuisine. (lit. translation “Bread time”)


“Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to Me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in Me will never be thirsty.”– John 6:35

So, riddle me this foodies: How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick? I don’t know for certain, but if he did partake, I’m keen to believe that he picked as many as were proper to the whole enchilada

“Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'” –Matthew 4:4



5 thoughts on “A Peter Piper Conspiracy Theory

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