Coach’s Order


[To equip His people for works of service]


Proceed with amusement. The following is a work of fiction with  a decent dose of satirical humor thrown into the mix.  Be aware that sneering and fist shaking may ensue–that is, from the reader of course, not myself.  (It would be really out of character for me to suddenly start shaking my fist at you for reading my blog post. )

The author (myself) is not responsible for any eye rolling or mutterings under one’s breath. Any likeness to known people, names, or real life scenarios, is (smirk) purely coincidental.  

Okay, so I’m pulling your chain!  If you’ve never heard of “Coach’s Corner,” go ahead and Youtube it! This will be fun.  If you’re not a sports/hockey fan…awe, too bad. (Now I’m sad.) Perhaps this parody will peak your interest anyways.  It’s not all pun and games; there is a moral to this parody as well.

CHARACTERS:

Sportscasters: Tod Berry and Rod MacLane

Goaltender: Tiikup Lumannounce (She’s Finish!)

Centerman for the opposing team: Maurice Vagabond

Left Wing for the opposing team:  Tad Marshland

CUE FANCY VIDEO GRAPHICS

THEME MUSIC PLAYS: doot doot do do… (You get the drift.)

ANNOUNCEMENT:  “With Tod Berry and Rod MacLane.”

SPONSORSHIP ANNOUNCEMENT:  “Brought to you by: No-name brand cola– No name; no mark up; no nonsense; and no taste whatsoever.  No wait!  Scratch that last one. Enjoy some carbonation with your hockey inspiration.”

SPORTS CASTERS SEATED BEHIND DESK
(Tod Berry’s wearing a first-rate suit with a sweet baby chick print, and a sharp black tie.  Rod MacLane’s giving Tod Berry a raised eyebrow as he checks out Tod’s get-up.)

———

ROD MACLANE: Alright, so Tiikup Lumannounce has been the talk of the town lately.  This girl is on fire. To say she’s reinventing goaltending is an understatement.

TOD BERRY: What a girl. I’ve never seen this before.  She’s absolutely ridiculous! Alright, alright, so I’m never wrong right?  Did I peg it, or did I peg it? This girl is—wait, I don’t have my list. (Pats down his jacket.)

ROD MACLANE: Fruits, you don’t need your list. Just watch the recap.

TOD BERRY: You people! As far as I’m concerned, I need my list!  This is so stupid!  Stupid I tell ya. That’s alright, I’ll just wing it.

ROD MACLANE:  Well done. Can we get back to Tiikup now?

TOD BERRY: Perfect!  Ladies and gentlemen, I have been saying all along that Tiikup Lumannounce is the best goaltender in the league. She’s stolen more games, and has more saves than anyone in the league.  She’s fantastic! Just watch this. Now watch, watch, watch– now watch this!  Perfect positioning.  Bing! Marshland catches the rebound, sends it over to Vagabond, then back over to Marshland. Now watch this, if this isn’t ridiculous! THIS IS HISTORIC, PEOPLE! Tiikup does a—call it what you want. It’s never been done. I tell ya, and then… look at that!  Atta girl—a glove save, no problem.  Pretty good, eh? That’s the way ta do it. Proud of her. She’s scrappy, I tell ya.

ROD MACLANE: Much like yourself.

TOD BERRY: True. Well, you gotta give this kid kudos.  She gets two thumbs up from me.  Where’s my list? I need my list. (Searches high and low for his list.)

ROD MACLANE:  (Smirks at Tod) Alright, so we have Tiikup here with us today. Yesterday was a big win for the Radcouger Mukluks.  By the way, Fruits, I tossed your list.

TOD BERRY: YOU PEOPLE! Give it a rest already!  I turn my back for one minute… Well that’s just perfect! I’m tellin’ ya, when I had the Lostten Shoeinns this NEVER would have happened! Oh, by the way folks, my book “Tod Berry: Hockey Highlights and Hip Chicks” is set to hit the shelves. Makes for one awesome gift. You should get the book. Where did you TOSS MY LIST!? You like this don’t you? This was your idea. You like to see people suffer. I’M STEAMED. I tell ya…

ROD MACLANE:  *Snickers*  Hey Fruits, you’re the whole package; a neatly packaged chick magnet.  It’s a bit early for Easter…

TOD BERRY: What? Heeeeey. Come on now.

ROD MACLANE: Alright. So Tiikup, the Radkouger Mukluks current winning streak has been generating quite the press.  The latest headlines have been extolling your impressive focus and equipment confidence, saying that you’ve reinvented goaltending with your progressive technique, your keen ability to read the play, and your quick transitioning and recovery.  Tell us about your strategy and how you’ve developed your winning technique.

TIIKUP LUMANNOUNCE: Alright, so I’ve been studying the ways of the puck for years now–listening to it’s bumpy glide along the ice, and intently watching how the greats perform in net. That’s when It came to me: If you’ve got the know how and the right equipment, the puck has nothing on you; it’s just a bit of rubber with a bad attitude.  You have to stand up to the play.  Stay square to puck and move into the shot. You can’t be afraid to show it who’s really in charge.  Of course, it’s Coach who’s the driving force behind it all, giving me everything I need and every opportunity under the sun to strengthen my feeble arms and weak knees.  You also have to give it to the equipment managers.  They’re some seriously hard workers. What would we do without our equipment managers?

ROD MACLANE:  Who’s in charge indeed. Your team has certainly been taking charge of the play.

TOD BERRY:  That’s my girl!  You show that puck who’s Boss!  You’re absolutely right about those equipment managers.  They do their part, don’t they?

ROD MACLANE: So Tiikup, tell us a bit about your goaltending style. Clearly it’s custom fit.

TIIKUP LUMANNOUNCE:  Well, it’s a take off of the Butterfly Hybrid, with my own personal twist.   So, here’s the thing, every goaltending style has its advantage or weakness. In the past I was always a little too patient–frozen in my stance even, not anticipating that shot on net, so I’ve had to make some adjustments.  I’ve never been physically agile enough to pull off the Athletic Butterfly, but getting too fancy and overconfident leaves a lot of room for error.  As far as blocking goes, my size has me at a bit of a disadvantage so I need to be aware of what open net the puck sees.  This is where l’ll always find my weakness, but Coach can and will help pinpoint these areas. It’s to the teams benefit that we take that correction and make those adjustments. Once you have the basics down, then you can start to incorporate some new moves.

ROD MACLANE: New moves–yes, I think we caught a new move in the recap. So what’s this new move, and what advice can you offer to those struggling to make new strides.

TIIKUP LUMANNOUNCE:  It’s pretty straightforward: endurance coupled with a dedicated “ready and willing” attitude.  It’s a little move I like to call “thinking on my feet.” Having cat-like reflexes doesn’t hurt either. Developing these skills does require time, practice, patience and the right equipment. You also have to be consistent; you can’t back down, give up, hide, or decide that you can squeak by on less than full participation.  If you aren’t striving for those saves with the rest of the team you won’t thrive.  Everything we need is right there: the trainers, the equipment managers, our teammates, the knowledge, and of course Coach.  Being a team player is key.  If we don’t drop our pride, the same way we drop the puck, and accept that we can’t do this on our own, were just setting ourselves up for failure.  It’s when we’re attentive to the Coach, communicating well with our teammates and consistently thinking on our feet that we’ll make those saves and get those shutouts, just like the game we stole last week from the Ruffellow Waders.

TOD BERRY: THINKING! THAT’S BRILLIANT! Why didn’t I come up with that?

ROD MACLANE: Where’s your list, Fruits?  Let me count the whys.

TOD BERRY:  If that doesn’t take the Christmas cake! Someone’s not getting my book under their tree this year.

ROD MACLANE: You can give my copy to the Shinkargo Slaksocks.  I hear they’re looking for a door stopper.

TOD BERRY: (Exasperatedly throws his hands up in the air and looks heavenward.) Do you see what I have to put up with down here!?

ROD MACLANE: So Tiikup, how about some final pointers before we do our last minute shopping, and wrap this up.

TIIKUP LUMANNOUNCE:  Always be attentive to your positioning and don’t stop gathering information. Take time to study and practice off the ice as well.  While goaltenders don’t always make the best captains, if you’re given a leadership position, encourage your defenseman to carry their own weight.  A goaltender can only hold the net so long as his or her defenseman reinforce that effort. Teach your forwards and centers to work effectively with one another to carry the puck out of our zone.  We’re aiming for saves. Senior players should be teaching and encouraging the younger ones;  give them plenty of opportunity to gain experience. Don’t forget that we’re a team, all working for the same goal and purpose, so let’s try and act like one. Lastly, don’t forget why we’re doing it: for the love of the game. Have some fun out there.

TOD BERRY:  That’s my girl! God bless ya Tiikup. There’ll be a book under the tree for you this Christmas morning. Laney, you can have a copy of my book too. Remember now kids, Christmas is for Santa, and we have a lot of fun and all that stuff but it’s baby Jesus is born.

HUGS AND HAIR TOUSLING ENSUE

THE END

***

(Don’t miss the leadership in hockey link below… it’s a great read)

PicsArt_11-25-04.06.21

“And Christ gave gifts to people—He made some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to go and tell the Good News, and some to have the work of caring for and teaching God’s people. Christ gave those gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger.  This work must continue until we are all joined together in the same faith and in the same knowledge of the Son of God. We must become like a mature person, growing until we become like Christ and have His perfection.

Then we will no longer be babies. We will not be tossed about like a ship that the waves carry one way and then another. We will not be influenced by every new teaching we hear from people who are trying to fool us. They make plans and try any kind of trick to fool people into following the wrong path. No! Speaking the truth with love, we will grow up in every way into Christ, who is the head. The whole body depends on Christ, and all the parts of the body are joined and held together. Each part does its own work to make the whole body grow and be strong with love. –Ephesians 4:11-16 (NCV)

“So Christ Himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip His people for works of service…” –Ephesians 4:11-16(NIV)

***

Overtime:  Bookmark the link below and have a read sometime. This article makes a great leadership template. I found it to be an awesome and informative read.

Leadership in Hockey: 7 Crutial Traits You Must Have

 

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