There are times when glancing back over your shoulder is actually a good thing. I started writing for God in 2006, and I haven’t turned back since. From time to time however, I do “glance over my shoulder” as I look over old poetry or various pieces that I’ve written. In them I see how much I’ve changed. I see what God has done, and I’m encouraged to know that even now God is still working. I’m also glad to know that some things never change. God is always good in every storm. It’s nice to reminisce too.
The following is a piece I wrote back in 2007. I’ve left it exactly as I wrote it then. Actually, I changed wonders to wanders. 😛 I couldn’t resist! I’m an editing maniac, but the rest is original.
April 18, 2007
What a strange season this has been… Weather’s extremes have been as a reflection of the battle that seems to be going on within me. In our region of the world we have had flooding, snow storms, and strong winds that have taken down trees and powerlines. fortunately we have come through the storms untouched… but the wreckege that insues after such storms is not unlike the wreckage that remains in ones soul after faceing the storms of life.
My moods have been all over the place for quite a while now… I find myself reflecting on past storms… some that have come out of nowhere and hit me with a vengence. And though life goes on… my heart wanders back… scars still remain… and my spirit wearies. But God has been good to even things out. Where there are storms there have also been respites… days when blessing upon blessing have poured down and spilled over.
The other day I recieved an email from my niece(The one with the permagrin) She is most definately in love… and I would not be surprised if she is married before the year is through. As I read her email the last paragraph hit me hard emotionaly(good emotional) and tears poured down my face. Later, on msn I told her of my response and she asked me why I cried. I told her “because you are happy and you’re in love.” I’m not sure she realizes how much she means to me, though I’ve told her time and time again. I’m not sure she has ever understood her worth… and now she has found someone who is showing her that… and she is shining. I also told her that I know I’m going to cry my face off at her wedding. And she responded with “Oh, I know you will.” lol. I know I will… just imagining it gets me teary. The first time I heard her sing at church I cried. She has so much talent and a beautiful heart… how she could not see how beautiful she is… is beyond me.
My soul seems to be a deep well in which I search to fill with answers, knowledge and understanding of all things whether good or bad. I look for the lessons in every experience… I crave truth. I know I’m only one person and I can’t do all things but there are times when I stand helplessly on the sidelines watching, weary that I can’t be a comfort. This is my heart… it sees other peoples pain… and it aches with them. It’s terrible, because even in my joy… there is an underlying sadness… and a need to make a differnce.
So this is my struggle… finding balance… where moods go from one extreme to the next in this quest to serve the Lord to the best of my ability.