[Every good and perfect gift]
No, it isn’t January yet, but it has been a year since “God’s Kid Speaks” was revived! I knew when this season began that I was being released from my stall, so to speak, and I went out leaping like a calf too!
For so long, I’d felt like God had just put me up on a shelf and left me there. I began to wonder if He’d ever use me again. There were times I felt so useless, but He was good to remind me that if I continued to grow I’d never be useless. Twice He had to snap me out of it when I was convinced otherwise. I was wrong. He had plans all along to continue working on me. This is the verse He gave me on two occasions:
“Jesus has the power of God. His power has given us everything we need to live and to serve God. We have these things because we know Him. Jesus called us by His glory and goodness. Through these He gave us the very great and precious promises. Through His glory and goodness, He gave us gifts He promised us. With those gifts you can share in being like God. And so the world will not ruin you with its evil desires.
Because you have these blessings, you should try as much as you can to add these things to your lives: to your faith, add goodness; and to your goodness, add knowledge; and to your knowledge, add self-control; and to your self-control, add the ability to hold on; and to your ability to hold on, add service for God; and to your service for God, add kindness for your brothers and sisters in Christ; and to this kindness, add love. If all these things are in you and are growing, they will help you to never be useless. They will help your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ make your lives better. But if anyone does not have these things, he cannot see clearly. He is blind. He has forgotten that he was made clean from his past sins.”
–2 Peter 3:1-9
These words were so encouraging to me then, I knew that I had those things, which meant I was still growing, even if He was quiet, and things felt like they were at a standstill. I was writing when I felt lead to write, though it was nothing like this whirlwind season has been. When I finally knew where God wanted me, I was ecstatic! The floodgates opened, and I began writing up a storm. I haven’t looked back.
This season I’ve learned to communicate with my Father in heaven better; He’s taught me to “fly” come rain or shine, through turbulence; through strong winds, and through storms. I’ve been encouraged time and time again to trust Him, and I’ve gone toe to toe, and head to head, with fear. (With His help those battles were won by the way.) My health was a battle; my hopes soared, then faltered, but my hope took flight once again.
I’ve made new friends and family in Christ, and God has even restored a friendship that I never dreamed would be brought back to life again. Why do I doubt? He not only brings things to life, they can also be born again.
My Lord has spoken to me more this season than I can ever recall Him speaking to me. He’s made me laugh, cry, and sometimes say, “I didn’t enjoy that one!” (lol) However, I survived it all because He always sees me through. (Whatever it takes to get me to trust Him right?) When I was freaking out (which happened more than once), He asked me, “Do you trust me.” reminding me who’s really in control, and that He always has my hand. I’ve grown in knowledge, in patience, in understanding, and in love, which keeps me joyful, inspired, and praising Him.
Some doors were opened this season, while other doors were closed; we shut our business down, and new medication wasn’t the fix for all of my health problems, but God was there to comfort me when I didn’t understand; He nudged me to come and talk to Him more often; He again beckoned me to trust Him; to know that things would happen slowly but surely, and comforted me through verse; through song; through my closest friends (some new ones too), and even spoke to my heart when He knew I needed Him. He continues to bless me with those who cross my path, including the newest of arrivals (Vivian, and Scherezade <3)
When my depression was making me feel so alone, my dear friend and sister Ronda was there to talk me through one of my worst days. Andrew was asleep due to his health problems, and I was feeling very alone, but God put Ronda there for me. I’m grateful to both of them. She also partnered with me in prayer during this difficult time, and God was gracious to give me all the help and encouragement that I needed.
My husband too was a rock while I was going through withdrawal from my failed medication. He offered his warm embrace, and many much appreciated pep talks when my emotions were off kilter. He calmed me down, and prayed often, laying hands on me, when the anxiety was at its worst, and thankfully Jesus calmed that storm too. I’m blessed to have a husband who loves me and puts God first. ❤
It was an emotional rollercoaster ride the likes of which I’ve never experienced before: highs, lows, and everything in between; jitteriness, anxiety, paranoia and fear, then days in between where I felt more like me, and I could live with the wonder and joy of a child again. I was thankful for those days.
I felt at times like this ride would never end, but God proved me wrong. He also proved that no matter the weather I can even thrive. I was able to consistently write through the struggle, and I learned a lot too.
You have no idea how good it feels to be consistently content again. After that whole ordeal, my current health problems feel manageable in comparison. I feel joy again, not just on a spiritual level but on an emotional one too. I don’t feel lonely anymore. (Depression makes you feel so alone, even when you’re not alone.) I don’t feel like a basketcase anymore either. I’m thankful for that, and I sigh with relief. I look to the horizon with hope and big dreams again, and those mountains begin to crumble.
He made me brave this season too. Has anybody ever told you that being brave doesn’t feel so brave!? It’s terrifying actually, until you finally land on the other side of it, but I was never alone there too, I had my God, and a dear friend and brother who was a sounding board when I needed it the most; who encouraged me and reassured me it would be okay. (Thanks so much brother B!)
I also had several other long term friends and family in Christ who made their memorable mark on me. (Thanks Diane, Daryl, Tom and Chuck) Even some of my fellow bloggers have impacted me and/or built me up in some way: Kenn, Willow, Umi, Latifa, Alicia, Brenda, Ashley, Caralyn, Mitch Teemley, Bill Sweeney, and I’m sure there are others I’m likely forgetting. (This is starting to sound like a long winded Academy Awards speech!).
On that note, most of all I’d like to thank my Jesus, who grounds me, grows me, teaches me, blesses me, and comforts me. He gave me new life, and He holds me together when I feel like I’m falling apart. He gives me wonderful things to do and write, as well as a loving family in Him, who always love me where I am. I’m blessed in so many ways, that I just don’t think I can count them all. This is really only a “clip” of what this Season has been for me. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds my future. I know joy, and I’m at peace. For all of this, I am exceedingly grateful, so I’ll continue to count my blessings. I have a lot of ’em!
Thank you Lord for a whirlwind year, and for never leaving my side! ❤ ❤ ❤
“Sometimes when you’re going somewhere and you wait, a somewhere comes to you.” –Winnie the Pooh/Christopher Robin
The End (for now)
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” –James 1:17
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:19
“May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy,” –Colossians 11:1