Sputtering on Empty

[He is faithful in our afflictions]

 

My health journey has become quite the bumpy ride. There are days I definitely feel like I am running on empty, but only physically.  Even writing is becoming exceedingly more difficult with the continuous struggle. Physically I’m tired; I haven’t been able to sleep well the last few nights due to jitters. (I know this isn’t starting off very hopeful or encouraging…)  However, I’m just stating the facts. It’s not my intention for this to become an “Oh, whoa is me.”

I was reading through Psalm 119 this morning.  Apparently, it’s not easy to read through this when you’re feeling worn, and when you’re feeling like you’re in the middle of the battle; but I had a portion of this Psalm on my mind: The verse below.

“I  know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me.” –Psalm 119:75

If it weren’t for knowing and trusting God I’d find it difficult to understand those words.  I’ve been thinking about Job a lot, and how God allowed Satan to afflict him. Though it may seem cruel, I still trust God’s wisdom.  I’m trying to stay fixed on what I know, because I learned many years back that feelings aren’t the most reliable source of truth–not when you battle depression, and not when you’re feeling worn.  Even without the added challenge, feelings still have their faults.

As I read through Psalm 119 there were things that did comfort me.  I could relate to the joy in being obedient to God.  I took comfort that I wasn’t alone in my desire to follow God with all my heart, and I still trust that He knows best for me.  If I’m afflicted, it’s by His faithfulness. My feelings, however, don’t like the battle or the struggle. If I had it my way, I’d have been through this valley yesterday; but I don’t get things my way, not unless it’s God’s will.  I decided way back when that’s how I wanted it, and this is also what I see in Psalm 119.

Right now the challenge is in the physical so much more than it is in the spiritual–only because my hope still rests in what I know.  I know that if I follow my “knows” God will lead me.  Patience is difficult in the battle, but I do have hope, and though–at times–my joy is suppressed in a way that is out of my control I know that joy is still there. It’s not a feeling. (Well it is, but it also isn’t…)  What I mean is, as I read things like this: “… for I find my delight in your commandments, which I love.” I remember that joy.  It’s still there, and it’s no less true.  Nothing has changed that fact.  That, to me, is joy.

“This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” –Psalm 119:50

Next in this series—>Made to Fly?

 

If you’re interested in reading more from this series, all entries can be found here:

https://godskidspeaks.com/category/captains-blog/

And the first entry can be found here:

Flying Lessons

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