[To show Himself strong on our behalf]
I’m starting to regret that I started “Captain’s Blog,” Weather conditions have thrown my flight pattern off. I don’t enjoy that it’s starting to sound more like “The Chronicles of an Emo,” yet I’m also too stubborn to trash the whole kit and caboodle or stop blogging the details of this cautious tale. (Something like that.)
I said I was going to be me, so I’m not going to lie. I won’t cherry coat things either. Sometimes you just wake up feeling the pits. (This is why you don’t eat in bed. *Ba-dum-ch* These are the jokes people.)
I was experiencing some anxiety as I got ready for church. By the time we arrived, the anxiety had subsided, but I was left with a total lack of joy.
I’m not a grey person. That’s not me. It doesn’t feel like me, and I don’t like it one bit.
I especially don’t want it to take a hold of me out in public. Of course I try to hide it, but it’s difficult. I’m not an actress.
I feel of no use to anyone when I hit these emotional storms, and I don’t want to be anyone’s wet blanket. So, it’s a tug-o-war between how I’m feeling and the person I am and want people to see.
It had been some time since we’d managed to get ourselves to church, (health issues) so It was long overdue.
We both went up for prayer, and wouldn’t ya know it, the dam burst. Yep–tears.
As we stood up at the front of the church Pastor Mark was singing “Come to the Altar.” and for whatever reason this song hit me square in the heart. I hate crying in public. I guess I still have some insecurities about being vulnerable, yet it was nice to be prayed for and it’s always nice to hear someone say “I’ll continue to pray for you.”
Praying is something that I’ve been doing a lot more of lately.
Once upon a time I assumed prayer just wasn’t my thing and that it wasn’t a skill I’d acquired. (Silly right? I complicate things. I overthink things too).
God wants to hear it all. I struggle with this. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be strong, forgetting that He’s my strength. He wants to be my strength and anything else that I need.
I’ve been asking for a lot. I thought I’d feel greedy or needy, but I don’t.
It does help that He was the One who nudged me to ask. His blessings don’t run dry, so it’s not as if I’m taking someone else’s share; it’s not as if my needs are all that I ask Him to meet either.
I’m learning a lot about prayer; something that once (sadly) felt like a chore, I’m finding I need and want all the more. Some things may start with difficulty, but then one day you glance back and think ‘what was I thinking?’ Not only can the difficult become second nature, but it can also become something you don’t want to live without.
Trust was a significant part of yesterday’s message. It was mentioned that trusting God is a process. I’m starting to get this. Like anything else it takes time to learn. It also takes seeking God and asking Him for His help. So, I’ve found myself praying things like, “help me to believe more” and “help me to trust more”.
My tears resurfaced some again when the verse that I’d framed for Andrew was mentioned, and he gave me a nudge, as well as an appreciative smile.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” –Philippians 4:8
Andrew has a tendency to lose sight of those lovely and praiseworthy things far more often than I do, so this is my reminder to him not to get stuck there. (Apparently, we were both receiving this reminder yesterday, as well as a bit of encouragement that my own efforts of encouragement don’t always fall as flat as I tend to assume they do).
God is good. He’s always good. Bad weather can’t change this fact. Bad weather even gives God the opportunity to prove Himself strong on our behalf.
I recently finished reading through “Beyond Jabez -Expanding your Borders” I’m reading through it a second time with Andrew and crying my way through it as I read allowed how God’s been proving Himself strong for others in their need. This is so important. We need to remember all that God has done and is doing.
So, I’m holding onto the verse below, and continuing to learn to trust God, as I wait to see just what it is that He’ll do on our behalf.
“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are loyal to Him.” –2 Chronicles 16:9
Next post in this series—> Seeking the Light
Next post in this series—> Seeking the Light