As the day unwinds, I find myself feeling quite unwell again, as I pray “Lord, help me” repeatedly–tears welling in my eyes. I really don’t know what God is doing. I’m not afraid He won’t answer or He won’t help, I just can’t see that path from point A to point B. More than that I’m feeling so unwell.
However, I’ve never been good at waiting. I don’t like the feeling. I’ve always hated the in-betweens; like the present Season, not fully Winter, yet not quite Spring, and suddenly I have a better understanding of what lukewarm truly means; It’s that somewhere in the middle, smack dab between hot and cold; It’s neither soothing nor refreshing.
As I wait for the cherry trees to produce their blossoms, so too did Jesus want for the Laodiceans to produce something good. Instead, spiritually they we’re more like dead wood. They thought themselves rich, but Jesus informed them that they were wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. He counseled them to buy from Him, and even here Jesus informs them that those whom He loves He rebukes and disciplines. (Revelations 3:16-19) This is truly amazing love, to love something so detestable, it makes you want to split it out of your mouth, and yet He councils them to repent. Even when we’re behaving in such a way as this?
My body doesn’t want to cooperate, but this is nothing new. Nothing new to God and not forgotten. I don’t write this to complain. I reflect because it helps me to keep things in the proper perspective. I know the truth, I just need to see it in words, and later as I look back on the Seasons and the lessons, seeing all that God’s brought us through, it further strengthens my faith. Seasons do change. The In-betweens change too. Even stubborn things like chronic illness or stubborn people are not forgotten by our Lord. He tends to it all.
I’ve never been good at waiting, but somehow I thought this time would be different. My eyes were fixed on what awaited me ahead with hope and excitement. (Okay, so what’s going on chemically in my body isn’t helping. That’s not exactly something that I can control.) I don’t know all of God’s plans, and I certainly don’t know the route He will take, but I have His promises, and His assurance. Believing and acting on this is faith. God hasn’t stopped working, and nor will I.
For He’s seen us safe thus far, and He’s not about to leave us nor forsake us now. It’s just the in-betweens after all. (This isn’t something new.) Though I feel unwell and I can’t feel that hope and excitement right now, feelings aren’t my compass. I don’t have patience down pat, but to be fair it’s difficult to feel patient when your not feeling so hot. It’s here in the in-betweens however that I learn endurance. It’s not the easiest lesson, but nothing worth having ever truly is.
“But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.” –James 1:25
“We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.” And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.” –Hebrews 6:12-15