[Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low]
I really needed these last three weeks away from my blog. Actually, my health went a little crazy. On week one I was able to get a ton done around the house, but week two got a little squirrelly and carried over into week three. Hashimoto’s Disease is a rather unpredictable autoimmune disease; so God’s instruction to “take three” turned out to be something more like an, ”Oh you aren’t going to be doing much for this next little while, kid”
As I entered week two I started to feel restless, but I assumed that I was bored as my mood began to shift. Then, it wasn’t long before I experienced a pain that I thought was somehow in my past; my neck, head, and even my jaw were distractingly painful. I asked for prayer from a sistah, and the next day my pain had eased quite a bit; it wasn’t long before it entirely passed, but then my emotions started to take a roller coaster ride that I hadn’t experienced in a very long while as well. In fact I’d forgotten what it was like, so it took me some time to clue in that how I was feeling wasn’t truly me.
Here’s the thing with depression and anxiety: your brain can sort of trick you into believing that life itself is the reason for how you’re feeling, when really it’s what’s going on inside your body that has suddenly made life so much more difficult to navigate.
I ended up having to ask for more prayer; I felt super self-conscious; and I also felt less than confident in myself. I apologized a couple of times to one of my friends, which I realize now was those intense feelings–not that I don’t feel as if an apology was owed to him, I still do–but somehow those altered hormones are like a blinkin’ truth serum. Everything comes to the surface and is so much more intense; my feelings, my fears, and my need to express myself, which later makes me feel a little awkward. I asked Andrew to pray for me as well one night when I was feeling quite anxious and jittery, and I did immediately feel a whole lot better right after he prayed. (Thank you, Lord.)
This Friday morning, I woke up feeling so much better. I was my chipper self again, smiling, and being a goofball, but the thing is that when you’re in that altered state of emotion it can feel like it will never pass. Because I know I have this vulnerability though, it’s easier for me to eventually recognize it, and then wrap my head around it all.
When I woke feeling myself again, it was so amazing to feel calm and happy once more. While it didn’t feel like I had much of a break on my break from blogging, I’m so thankful that I have friends and family in Christ who will partner with me in prayer. The relief of that two week rollercoaster ride coming to an end has left me feeling overjoyed, refreshed, and ready to go again.
Sometimes blessings come to us looking quite backwards. How does sickness, and struggle become a blessing? When you take a closer look and see what God has taught you through it; the fact that He’s faithfully seen you through; and the things that you’ve gained along the way should be quite evident also if you’re looking.
Though Andrew and I still have our trials, we both have hope, and look toward to the future with excitement even. Knowing God is the reason for our unshakable hope. We can take all of our needs to Him in prayer, which builds a closer relationship as we trust Him to meet those needs. As we mature in our journey with the Lord, we can also see the hope even in those tougher times; we know that those rough ways will become smooth again with the understanding that those who trust God will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31).
“Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.”
“If God answered the prayers you’ve been praying, would it change anyone else’s world but your own?”
Next in this series—> Black Hawk Down
If you’re interested in reading more from this series, all entries can be found here:
And the first entry can be found here: