The truth is this: I believed the lie. Not the lie I told, but that by telling the lie I was protecting myself. It was a good lie as far as lies go, because it was so easy to believe. Obviously a “good lie” is an oxymoron, but some lies feel so true that they trick us into believing that we’re safer in them than what awaits us on the other side of them.
After I wrote The Girl Who Wouldn’t Speak I recalled some details that I’d inadvertently left out; these details I felt were even quite important to the story. Since then I’ve amended my original post to include them, but to clarify what I’m referring to, I’ll quote that segment here from the line before.
“This time I felt relief at the idea of starting over, which was far better than the alternative, to me.
Trouble has a way of following you though, and it did in this new transition. I soon found out that my Kindergarten teacher was teaching at my new school. This worried my parents some, and I too found it unsettling to see him again. However, being that I was years older now, he never recognized me or acknowledged me; and I was too determined that I wasn’t going to let his presence bother me. I kept moving forward, but that wasn’t the last that I’d see of trouble.
Not long after I got settled into my new class, a fellow student from my former school (My old class even.) was introduced as a new student. Fear rose up in me again when I realized that she might share that I’d not spoken formerly. I was right, and she did. Again though, I was determined that this wouldn’t get the best of me, so I lied to protect myself. When she heard me speak she made an issue of the fact that I hadn’t spoken before, so I insisted that I’d just had laryngitis and I hadn’t been able to speak. Though she didn’t appear to be convinced the matter was dropped.
Yes, I lied. Could you blame me? You may feel as I did, and give me a break because I was fighting to break free from this vicious cycle. Because I was still quite young at the time though, I didn’t understand the danger in lies. Even when I wrote my account of these events, I almost believed the lie that went through my head: ‘Good for you, you stood up for yourself’. Really I hadn’t stood up for myself in the slightest.
I may have felt as if I were fighting back, but in covering up the true account, I was instead believing the lie that I had something to hide. That lie though–that innocent little lie (I’m using innocent facetiously here, of course.) turned into more lies like these: I didn’t measure up; there was something wrong with me; I was just awkward; I wasn’t worth knowing; I just didn’t fit in; I wasn’t attractive enough; I wasn’t cool enough; I wasn’t bright enough, and the list goes ever on.
That one lie kept me from seeing any potential in myself, it kept me isolated, lonely, and insecure in who I was. Infact any identity I had, I lost. Because I wasn’t able to just face the truth head on, and truly stand up for myself, I never faced down that fear. That lie would continue to follow me until I found Jesus. In truth, He sought me, fought for me, and payed the price to set me free. It was God himself who began to debunk every one of the lies that I believed.
Lies are insidious; they bore deeper and deeper, and they spread like wild fire. I suppose this is why there will be no liars in the Kingdom of Heaven. It was a great big lie that lead to Satan–and the angels who followed him– being thrown out of heaven. It was pride that caused Satan to get the good ole boot in the backside; the lie that he could, and should be God (Isaiah 12:14-15). Not only does he lie, but he believes his own lies. He is the father of all lies (John 8:44). Whether Jesus is your King or not, surely you know that devil. Though you may not see or acknowledge his evil hands in your life, his lies will be evident in your life if you’re willing to listen to God.
When Jesus was asked by the Jewish leaders and the pharisees, “Who is your father?” Jesus responded: “You do not know me or my Father,” If you knew me, you would know my Father also” (John 8:19) Here the pharisees were disputing Jesus testimony which was this:
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”” –John 8:12
Essentially Jesus was saying that He would open the eyes of those who follow Him; He would teach them, give them understanding and the knowledge needed to overcome satan’s lies.
“Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come here from God. I have not come on my own; God sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me!” –John 8:42-45
Those who don’t believe, and accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior are living life with their eyes closed. Furthermore, those who do believe but aren’t listening to Him are doing the very same thing.
I once was living life with my eyes closed too and those lies multiplied because I could never recognize them as such. When I handed my life over to Jesus, the devils power lost it’s hold over me, but only if I’m following Him, and only if I continue to listen to Him. If you’re not listening, you’re not following. Even those Who believe can harden their hearts, and stifle His voice.
God continues to work in me, revealing more lies. He’ll reveal the lies that you believe too if you are willing to become His new student, or return to Him with your whole heart.
For more of my story read —->Stories with Pictures
“But in their distress they turned to the LORD God of Israel, and they sought Him, and He let them find Him.”
–2 Chronicles 15:4
“I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud And your sins like a heavy mist Return to Me, for I have redeemed you.”
And rend your heart and not your garments ” Now return to the LORD your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness. And relenting of evil.